...for a change!!!

I know you are upset with my choices
But I took the only door that was open
You think I had my pick of options
I wish you had given me any at all

Change isn't always so bleak
Sometimes is also green
It doesn't always tear us apart
Connects us through new experiences

You think I could have been strong
And held my ground if I wanted to
I don't want to be like the mighty oak
Fallen when the flood has passed

Rain isn't always so bad
Not always cold and wet
It also brings new hope and life
And promise of new beginnings

Right now I feel I will never heal
"The hole in my heart" never filled
May be some day it will rain again
And I'd find hope sprouting there

Amending A Broken Heart

Looking outside my window with a book in my lap
Waiting for the afternoon to turn into evening...
...the day into night and another day after that

I wonder... I wonder... if my thoughts froze

I look at the clock just one more time and ponder
Am looking at it too often or has the time slowed down
But my thoughts seemed to have travelled an eternity

I wonder... I wonder... if the time stopped

I find myself in this situation a bit too often these days
I can start anywhere but my thoughts return a full circle
Moving on is mcuh harder than thinking about you

I wonder... I wonder... if love can be absolved

I try to tell myself one can go on alone on memories
But memories always involve two - you and me
How can alone be easier than two, what did I do wrong?

I wonder... I wonder... when the happiness left

Letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do
I feel this hollow inside where you used to fill me up
I know some day soon, all empty spaces would cave in

I wonder... I wonder... if then life would cease to exist

A Lifetime In A Moment

You stepped into my life like a breath of fresh air
That knocks on a window, slowly but persistently
Not asking to come in, but claiming its path

You brought hope of a new life
You brought the sweet dreams back
To the nights that weren’t passing any more

I leaned on your shoulder and soaked them
I let myself go, let you wash away my sorrows
Fingers through my hair, tamed my wondering mind

You brought dew drops and songs of sunshine
You brought the fragrance of new rain
That fills one with hope of a new life

I forgot my past and stopped looking into the future
Trying to make the best of our present time together
Hoping you’d join me to make this a better now

You brought the warmth back to my cheeks
You re-ignited the fires of desire
Little do those care of burns that walk the coals of passion

I was completely swept away
Senses lost, control forsaken
All I could think of was being together forever

I had fallen in love, and that will never change
Just like the wanderer in you can never be tamed
I knew the truth but my heart didn’t want to relent

A little ray of hope was all I looked for
Hoping my love will make a little dent
In your strong resolve to never believe in love

What you believed to be a second-hand emotion
In time I’d wished you’d see it as a ray of hope
Like a miracle cure that would bind our futures together

Its hard to see you again and again
Make your play at all that’s game
You always choose to ignore the hurt in my eyes

I know you had made your stand clear
I know nothing can be changed by my tears
But how can I unlove, even if the wounds bleed

In my heart there is a place
Where love and pain reside side by side
I don’t lose my senses any more when I close my eyes

But when I do close my eyes I feel the flood
The feelings evoked by your tender touch
It was hard not to wonder what might drown next

I know you said shifting sands can’t be permanent
But the winds can never erase memories of the footprints
I wish I had more life with you to make more memories

The sands of time would pass in spite of us both
Only one corner of my heart would freeze forever and die
I hope, to its tomb I have offered enough sweet memories of you for a lifetime

To Honor The Lost Civilizations

Was stuck in traffic for an hour this evening. Looked around and saw a sea of cars idling, opened the window to give a rupee to a beggar and choked on the gas fumes filling the air. There was nothing natural about the atmosphere here except our collective psyche to continue the environmental abuse and our refusal to acknowledge our responsibility of shutting down the engine and waiting till the traffic ahead cleared. The reality is going to be more grim, as I understand the collective environmental damage we have cause is irreversible for a 100 years at least. And I don't think we are ready to switch of our air conditioners yet, or replace petrochemical products with non-polluting energy sources in the next one year, or stop burning wood and waste. Following is the result of such thought process that followed until the traffic cleared.


When the greenhouse effects finish their mauling
And earth as we know ceases to exist
Because we never learnt from past mistakes
And continued to be vain as a species
We choose to stay ignorant to this fate
To us apocalypse is just an unproven hypothesis
When new life-forms rule our planet a billion years later
Naming us as their biggest archeological finds
And build shrines in the honor of lost civilizations
Equivalent to what we call museums now
We think that at least our vanity will remain intact
As we still choose to believe fossils don’t have senses

DO IT NOW !!!

The mid-life crisis isn't necessarily something earth-shattering that causes wrinkles and accelerates greying or balding. It can just as easily creep in as the state of inertia and refusal to acknowledge it, and hence to get out of it. It doesn't have to start at a particular time of one's life or end as such, or even be called so.

Most of us are in a rut at some point of time in our lives. Most of us are too comfortable in the rut to attempt to get out of it. We just wait for something - "an external unbalanced force" - to come and set us in motion. Most of us will spend the rest of our lives waiting.

The process starts any time when one stops thinking independently and starts following. You develop all your growing years trying to learn - learning that fortifies thinking - thinking that separates one from another - individuality! Then one arrives at a point where one starts wanting to belong, to conform to set rules to identify oneself as part of a group - friends, colleagues, neighbourhood, culture, religion... one starts losing little pieces of one's identity to become one with others. Herein lie the roots of crisis; struggle to maintain one's own instinct against a group's mindset.

Whats important to understand that the struggle will not end on its own. The frustration only increases with time and with the thought process to acknowledge it. The only way to change direction is to stop thinking and start doing. After all, it will do good to remember, that we will only live this once. Whatever one thinks and wants, this is the only chance one has to go out there and get it. In any case, the action is what will determine the winners from the losers/ the leaders from the followers.

Most of us fail to recognize the instinct we have about the need to move. We actually cook up excuses to remain in the comfortable state we are in, and then fret over missed opportunities - a job, a relationship, an investment opportunity, a well-being experience... Any delay in action will result in further slide into the comfort zone, slowly leading to more of less irreversible situation with compounded delays over a period of time. The key to keep moving is to acknowledge the instinct and act immediately.

The earlier one starts converting ideas and thoughts into actions, the lesser time will be spent fretting over unknown results. Expectations may be met or not at the end of it, but the satisfaction of having tried, far outweighs the negative effects of the inertia. Most positive and happy people in life are those who have tried implementing their ideas, and aren't afraid of failing. They are the ones who treat each failure as an experience to learn from and act upon another set of ideas. They move on.

Love is a 4 letter word

Some mornings I know the day is going to slide as soon as I wake up. Its an instinct I guess. I try to go through my day just trying to make sure I don't get into messy situations, and most of all try not calling you. Its one thing that can completely mess up everything in my head if it goes wrong. Then it happens, I can't help it, and give in, just because I am thinking too much about you.

At the end of such a day, when I am forced to look at the person in front of me, that I hate so much, the only solace I take from the situation is that its YOUR doing, not mine. Before I met you, I at least loved my own reflection.